Happy Birthday Mom

Well, tomorrow my family will be gathering to celebrate my mothers 80Th birthday which is actually on Monday, August the 16Th. August the 16Th is also special for another reason, on that day, my parents will have been married for 63 years.

I honestly can't believe my parents are both in their 80's. It just doesn't seem possible. But, then again, it doesn't seem possible that their youngest child is 48 either. Inside I still feel like the same kid who was trying to explain to them why yet another basement window was broken due to playing baseball in the backyard.

It's hard watching them get older. However, I am so blessed to still have them both when so many of my friends have lost one, if not both of their parents. My dad has had more health problems than I can count, including a recent fall which led to stitches and a black eye! Who was the first person to run to him? My mom, but that's no surprise, she has been by his side every step of the way, through good times and bad. My mom is a real unsung hero. The sacrifices she has made of her own time and energy to take care of my dad through the years is beyond explaining. But you will never here her say a word about it. I am writing this blog in honor of her and her 80Th birthday.

My mom is a wife and mother. She is still great at both, but her 4 children all probably feel like she still tries to mother a bit too much, but trying to stop that is like trying to stop the wind, it isn't happening. The only recourse you have is to sit there and take it as she kisses you on the cheek and in my case, reminds me that I'm always going to be her baby!! Ugh! Mom, stop!!!

I suppose by today's standards and by those who deem themselves to be more "enlightened" about whats most important in life, my mom would not be viewed as a successful person. How could she be? She didn't go to college, and worse yet, didn't seek out a career of her own, but chose to stay home with her children and lend support to her husband who at times worked 3 jobs to provide for the family. I'm not knocking today's women at all; we live in different times and in many cases the mother has to work in order to bring in enough financials for the family to survive. Having said that though, there are still those women who choose to work outside the home along with their husband so as to live the level of comfort they have decided they need. I'm not knocking that either, it's a personal choice. What I find frustrating though, is so many times it's implied that unless your a "career" woman, you are somehow choosing to be less than you could be. So let me just say flat out, my mother is just as successful as any doctor, lawyer, business leader, politician, that you can name. How many marriages last 63 years anymore? How many people sacrifice much of their own time to care for one other individuals needs, and has done so for years?

When I was younger, I often times felt my mom was naive. I can remember having conversations about tragedies in the world, or something bad someone did to someone else or was rumored to have done. My moms response was always something to the effect of "oh, i don't believe that, nobody would do something like that". I was always bothered that my mom was so non-confrontational. I felt like she tended to put her head in the sand when she needed to speak out about the wrongs of the world and the wrongs she saw around her. However, as Ive grown older, I've come to understand better why mom responded as she responded that way so many times. It was because of her heart; her kind, loving, unprejudiced, unbiased, hopeful, patient, forgiving, adoring heart. My mom does her best to see the good in everyone, always has, still does. I'm telling you, Hitler could have lived next door and while conscious of his evilness, my mom would have baked him cakes and tried to change him with love. Is that going to far the other way? I mean, at times we have to confront evil don't we? Yes, i guess what I'm saying is my mom, in my opinion, was too nice at times and showed that tendency not to want to confront things. But having grown up now, and reflected on her personality, and how she raised me I can tell you one thing; if there was a little bit more of my mom in everyone, there would he a lot less hate, a lot less prejudice, a lot more patience, a lot more forgiveness; in short, the world would be a much better place than it is.

My mom was a mother to a lot more people than just her 4 children. My friends loved coming to my house. Most of the time that I wanted to have someone stay all night, she welcomed them in as one of her own. I have one friend that I don't talk to much anymore but when I do, he always asks about Ray and Barb, and the times he stayed all night, or went with us on vacation, etc. There were even years where a friend of my sisters celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with us, because she had no real family in town. My mom always considered her just another daughter.

Having said all of that, if I were to try and give someone a picture of my mom, someone that didn't know her, I would focus on her care of my father over the years. My dad started having his heart problems in his late 40's. After heart attacks, open heart surgery, abdominal surgery to remove an aneurysm, a staff infection that almost took his life just a few years ago, she has been by his side whether it be at the hospital, at home, or anywhere she needed for him to be. It might not seem like a lot, but think about being in your 70's and sitting in a hospital room everyday and night, only to go home to clean up, catch your breath a little before you head back to the hospital. If you saw the amount of pills my dad has to take, you would think that in order to make sure he gets what he needs, an expert in algebraic equations would be necessary to figure it out! My mom has done it for years, I think she even once made a chart so she wouldn't loose track of what he needed and when. The Bible describes the wife as a help mate, you might as well put a picture of my mom next to that verse.

As for the care of her children, I wouldn't know where to begin or end. My siblings and I, as most kids do, have put her and dad through hell at times I'm sure, with worry over our decisions, or our problems, anxiety's and fears. Since I've been a father now for some 20 years, I realize how much emotional energy is spent hoping the best for your kids, fearing they may have made a bad decision, or hoping that life treats them kindly and that they find more happiness than you did. A parent wants their children to be better than they were. My mom, with her sacrifice for her children, has always conveyed that. Those qualities I mentioned earlier, love, patience, kindness, forgiveness, the willingness to see the best in a person, has always been something she showed in the raising of her children.

I have numerous special memories of my mom that both go back to my childhood, a couple of which I'll mention. The first one was how I was treated when I was sick. Talk about a mother!! I almost miss being in misery with ear aches due to the treatment I got! She always made me feel safe and secure and that I would feel better soon. She spent many mornings with me, as I lay on the couch sick, watching games shows and such. The simplest things create the greatest memories. She is still creating them by the way. I recently broke my leg and she and dad have brought up at least 3 meals so far!. Not so much to make over me, but to help Jasmine out. The second one I have is the time I spent with her during lunch while in school. I don't think this happens anywhere anymore, but my elementary school was literally around the corner from my house. At lunchtime, you actually got to go home!! It is so ingrained in my mind, that I think I even remember the time frame, it seems like you had from 12:10 to 1pm, though I could be wrong. I would go home, knowing I had what they used to call "beef cookin bags" or a fritter, or a cheeseburger, or something delicious waiting on me. I would eat, watch Cowboy Bob, and then if we had time, my mom and I played the marble game aggravation together before i went back too school. All very simple things, but things that are in my heart and my memory that will never leave.

Nothing that I could write about my mom does her complete justice. But she wouldn't expect anything anyway. That's just her and the humble way in which she carries herself.

Mom, your something special. I love you so very much. Happy birthday mom, from a very very grateful son.