I Never Served

I never served. This weekend, I won’t be struggling with thoughts of a loved one lost while at war. In fact, I hardly know anyone having to deal with that type of loss. My dad served in the Navy, towards the end of World War II, I had both a brother and brother-in-law, serve in the Army but did so towards the tail end of the Vietnam War. In all three cases, they were fortunate enough to have never been in harms way. My wife served in the Air Force as an Intelligence Analyst during the 1990’s and spent much of her time at the Pentagon. She had to leave the Air Force due to a disability and did so before 9/11. I do have a dear friend from my childhood who lost a brother in Vietnam, and I have a friend who served in that same war and fortunately was able to come home though many of his friends did not. That same friend saw things in war that define the word horror. Like most people who have served, he is very humble about it, and likely would not want me to share any stories he has shared with me, nor would he want his name mentioned. I will honor that because I respect him more than he probably realizes. I know he carries memories. I once asked him if he had ever visited “The Wall” in Washington D.C. and he told me he hadn’t, and didn’t think he ever could. I had a chance to visit it a few years ago; I looked up the name of one of his friends, as I did the brother of my childhood friend. It was very moving being there, but I wasn’t carrying the pain and loss that so many do when they visit.

I never served. I don’t really have a reason why. The Vietnam War had ended in the mid 1970’s. It had been a controversial war to some, so as a boy of 13 or 14 years of age, I probably heard some negative things about it all. I remember stories of how our Vietnam veterans were treated when they came home. Perhaps that combined with the fact that the draft had ended eliminated any thought of serving from my mind. I don’t remember, but I was likely very happy that I didn’t have to serve. I was able to graduate from high school, and go on with my life without a second thought of having to spend any time in the military like so many before me had.

I never served. I’m now 47 years old, about to turn 48. It’s funny how time changes your perspective on things. Maturity does something to you, something good I think. As I was growing up, the weekend leading up to Memorial Day was all about a race and about grilling out. Today, I don’t get into the race like I used too. I still fire up the grill, and I turn on the race because it’s just something you do if you live in Indianapolis and its race day. However, what I find myself doing more and more of is thinking. I think about what families who have lost loved ones in war are going through. I wonder if their pain eases over time, I wonder if despite the tragedy they feel a sense of pride and honor about it all. I find myself thinking about what my life would be like had not so many before me made the ultimate sacrifice. I hear everyone talk about how we need to be thankful for those that died to protect our freedoms. I hear it so much, that I hope it hasn’t become something that people just say because they feel like their supposed too. I was like that at one time I think, especially when I was younger. I’m like that no longer though. I will find myself searching for things on TV this weekend that tell stories of the many sacrifices so many of our young men and women have made. There isn’t anything that gets to me emotionally like seeing a man in his 80’s tell stories and share memories about a buddy lost in World War II and after all these years, watching him still break down and cry. Even while writing this, a commercial came on TV that shows a young woman in the Army, walking through an airport. An elderly man, a veteran, sits nearby and sees her. He slowly stands up on legs that have grown old and feeble, they lock eyes, she smiles at him, and he proudly salutes her. If something like that doesn’t move you; cause you to pause and reflect, I don’t know what will.

I never served. I never served and to be honest, I regret it. I’m not saying that I wish I would have experienced war. I’m just saying that for a country that has given me so much, provided me with so much happiness and freedom, I wish I would have done more. I don’t know, maybe I still can in some way. I often wonder how I would have responded had I experienced war and death. Would I have run and curled up in a corner, being afraid to die; or, as I suspect, would my instincts of survival kick in and I fight with all my might to protect and defend. I don’t guess it really matters, because so many men and women have done that for us, and they still do to this day. Young lives are lost, husbands and wives are lost, children are lost, parents are lost, brothers and sisters and dear friends are lost so that you and I can have freedom.

I never served. I never served but I wish I had. I know this will cause an eyebrow or two to rise, but sometimes I wish the draft had never stopped and that it was still in effect. I know, there goes my chance to get elected, right? I mean, how much of the youth vote did I just lose? Think about it; we have so much going on right now, so many threats in so many places, I often wonder if we have enough men and women serving in our military forces. I hope so. But that really isn’t why I feel the way I do. Is it really too much to ask to give a couple of years of ones time to a country that gives so much in return, so many opportunities? This country affords us all so many wonderful possibilities; there is no place like it on the face of the earth. Is it too much to ask to spend a couple of years protecting and defending her?

I never served. I never served but others did, and others died. Saying thank you seems so meaningless, so empty, so lacking, but it’s all I can come up with. Because so many have died protecting this great nation, I guess I get a little ticked off at this notion that our leaders feel the need to apologize to other nations and make sure that they realize we have made mistakes. Have we made mistakes? I suppose we have but I am hard pressed to come up with anything specific. I don’t think for one minute that we are “better” than anyone else, but what I will say and I will say it with pride; we have in our history “behaved” better than most. It brings to mind these words by Colin Powell; “And when all those conflicts were over, what did we do? Did we stay and conquer? Did we say, “Okay, we defeated Germany, now German belongs to us? We defeated Japan, so Japan belongs to us? No. What did we do? We built them up. We gave them democratic systems which they have embraced totally to their soul. And did we ask for any land? No, the only land we ever asked for was enough land to bury our dead. And that is the kind of nation we are.” Apologize? I think not!!!

I never served. I never served but to those who have and are, thank you. To each and every person who has but a memory of a loved one to hold on to this weekend, I humbly say thank you, and may the wonderful memories of your loved one lost, bring you peace, honor, and pride. God bless you, and God bless this great nation of ours, The United States of America.