I never served. This weekend, I won’t be struggling with thoughts of a loved one lost while at war. In fact, I hardly know anyone having to deal with that type of loss. My dad served in the Navy, towards the end of World War II, I had both a brother and brother-in-law, serve in the Army but did so towards the tail end of the Vietnam War. In all three cases, they were fortunate enough to have never been in harms way. My wife served in the Air Force as an Intelligence Analyst during the 1990’s and spent much of her time at the Pentagon. She had to leave the Air Force due to a disability and did so before 9/11. I do have a dear friend from my childhood who lost a brother in Vietnam, and I have a friend who served in that same war and fortunately was able to come home though many of his friends did not. That same friend saw things in war that define the word horror. Like most people who have served, he is very humble about it, and likely would not want me to share any stories he has shared with me, nor would he want his name mentioned. I will honor that because I respect him more than he probably realizes. I know he carries memories. I once asked him if he had ever visited “The Wall” in Washington D.C. and he told me he hadn’t, and didn’t think he ever could. I had a chance to visit it a few years ago; I looked up the name of one of his friends, as I did the brother of my childhood friend. It was very moving being there, but I wasn’t carrying the pain and loss that so many do when they visit.
I never served. I don’t really have a reason why. The Vietnam War had ended in the mid 1970’s. It had been a controversial war to some, so as a boy of 13 or 14 years of age, I probably heard some negative things about it all. I remember stories of how our Vietnam veterans were treated when they came home. Perhaps that combined with the fact that the draft had ended eliminated any thought of serving from my mind. I don’t remember, but I was likely very happy that I didn’t have to serve. I was able to graduate from high school, and go on with my life without a second thought of having to spend any time in the military like so many before me had.
I never served. I’m now 47 years old, about to turn 48. It’s funny how time changes your perspective on things. Maturity does something to you, something good I think. As I was growing up, the weekend leading up to Memorial Day was all about a race and about grilling out. Today, I don’t get into the race like I used too. I still fire up the grill, and I turn on the race because it’s just something you do if you live in Indianapolis and its race day. However, what I find myself doing more and more of is thinking. I think about what families who have lost loved ones in war are going through. I wonder if their pain eases over time, I wonder if despite the tragedy they feel a sense of pride and honor about it all. I find myself thinking about what my life would be like had not so many before me made the ultimate sacrifice. I hear everyone talk about how we need to be thankful for those that died to protect our freedoms. I hear it so much, that I hope it hasn’t become something that people just say because they feel like their supposed too. I was like that at one time I think, especially when I was younger. I’m like that no longer though. I will find myself searching for things on TV this weekend that tell stories of the many sacrifices so many of our young men and women have made. There isn’t anything that gets to me emotionally like seeing a man in his 80’s tell stories and share memories about a buddy lost in World War II and after all these years, watching him still break down and cry. Even while writing this, a commercial came on TV that shows a young woman in the Army, walking through an airport. An elderly man, a veteran, sits nearby and sees her. He slowly stands up on legs that have grown old and feeble, they lock eyes, she smiles at him, and he proudly salutes her. If something like that doesn’t move you; cause you to pause and reflect, I don’t know what will.
I never served. I never served and to be honest, I regret it. I’m not saying that I wish I would have experienced war. I’m just saying that for a country that has given me so much, provided me with so much happiness and freedom, I wish I would have done more. I don’t know, maybe I still can in some way. I often wonder how I would have responded had I experienced war and death. Would I have run and curled up in a corner, being afraid to die; or, as I suspect, would my instincts of survival kick in and I fight with all my might to protect and defend. I don’t guess it really matters, because so many men and women have done that for us, and they still do to this day. Young lives are lost, husbands and wives are lost, children are lost, parents are lost, brothers and sisters and dear friends are lost so that you and I can have freedom.
I never served. I never served but I wish I had. I know this will cause an eyebrow or two to rise, but sometimes I wish the draft had never stopped and that it was still in effect. I know, there goes my chance to get elected, right? I mean, how much of the youth vote did I just lose? Think about it; we have so much going on right now, so many threats in so many places, I often wonder if we have enough men and women serving in our military forces. I hope so. But that really isn’t why I feel the way I do. Is it really too much to ask to give a couple of years of ones time to a country that gives so much in return, so many opportunities? This country affords us all so many wonderful possibilities; there is no place like it on the face of the earth. Is it too much to ask to spend a couple of years protecting and defending her?
I never served. I never served but others did, and others died. Saying thank you seems so meaningless, so empty, so lacking, but it’s all I can come up with. Because so many have died protecting this great nation, I guess I get a little ticked off at this notion that our leaders feel the need to apologize to other nations and make sure that they realize we have made mistakes. Have we made mistakes? I suppose we have but I am hard pressed to come up with anything specific. I don’t think for one minute that we are “better” than anyone else, but what I will say and I will say it with pride; we have in our history “behaved” better than most. It brings to mind these words by Colin Powell; “And when all those conflicts were over, what did we do? Did we stay and conquer? Did we say, “Okay, we defeated Germany, now German belongs to us? We defeated Japan, so Japan belongs to us? No. What did we do? We built them up. We gave them democratic systems which they have embraced totally to their soul. And did we ask for any land? No, the only land we ever asked for was enough land to bury our dead. And that is the kind of nation we are.” Apologize? I think not!!!
I never served. I never served but to those who have and are, thank you. To each and every person who has but a memory of a loved one to hold on to this weekend, I humbly say thank you, and may the wonderful memories of your loved one lost, bring you peace, honor, and pride. God bless you, and God bless this great nation of ours, The United States of America.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
A TRUE Feminist View on Motherhood
I watch the news a lot. According to my wife, I watch it too much. I guess it comes out in the amount of agitation and worry I show over certain topics, the way the media handles things, and the fact I want to start a movement to kidnap Keith Olbermann, stuff him in a box, and send him to a far away country. Wherever he ends up, even if it’s on an island of 100 or so, he will have as many loyal viewers as he does now.
To be honest, I think we all naturally gravitate to reporters, commentators, etc., who tend to share our viewpoint on things. I think that’s human nature. I mean, let’s be honest, given two choices, would you want to be in room one with 100 people who have political views the polar opposite of you or would you prefer to be in room two with 100 people that view the world in a similar fashion as you do. In order to affect change, I suppose going into room one is a good thing to do from time to time, but our comfort zone will be found in room two.
In actuality, I do try to listen to commentators, political pundits, and journalists, with whom I’m on the opposite side of the political fence. In fact, there are three or four I enjoy listening to. They aren’t like Olbermann who makes me want to wrap my head in duct tape, so it doesn’t explode (okay, I stole that line from one of my favorite commentators).
One of those people is Kirsten Powers. Even when I disagree with her, which is often, I feel she states her position honestly, with passion, and generally avoids the all too often tactic of simply calling the other side names. She actually makes me evaluate my own opinion on an issue, reexamine it, and reflect which is what a good analyst does. In short, she seems like a very nice person. I usually see her on TV, where she often appears on FoxNews to speak from a left point of view. She sparked enough interest in me that I googled her, looking for articles she may have written. One of the first ones I found made me respect her even more and I thought it was appropriate to share since tomorrow is Mothers’ Day, and it is about women and motherhood.
Ms. Powers describes herself as a feminist, but based on her definition of it, I’m a feminist too!
Her words come from a post she wrote back in June 2006 titled, "This is Why So Many People Hate Feminists." I won’t tell you what she said; I will let her speak for herself, but understand I am only pulling some of the main points found in the article. It was written in response to a Washington Post entry by Linda Hirshman, a "feminist philosopher,” whatever that means. Ms. Powers responds in part, and I quote:
"In a Washington Post op-ed yesterday, Linda Hirshman, a self described feminist philosopher, treats full-time motherhood with the curiosity of an anthropologist who has stumbled upon a previously undiscovered tribe of people. Like SNL's "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer,” Hirshman seems to be "frightened and confused" by this bizarre creature called the "stay-at-home mother." What could possibly account for their freakish behavior?
According to Hirshman: "The tasks of housekeeping and child rearing [are] not worthy of the full time and talents of intelligent and educated human beings. They do not require a great intellect, they are not honored and they do not involve risks and the rewards that risk brings."
It's incredible that the drudgery of working full time at a law firm is deemed worthy of women's "full time talents" but a woman dedicating herself to raising a family isn't. Hirshman then bizarrely asks: "Oh, and by the way, where were the dads when all this household labor was being distributed?" Umm, if they have a stay at home wife, they are probably working all day. And for most people, it's actually called being a mother and a wife, not "household labor.”
I saw Hirshman on 60 Minutes and was shocked when she announced that women graduates of Ivy League schools who had left their careers to raise families were making the "wrong choice.” There it was laid bare: feminism really isn't about women having the freedom to make choices. It's about women making the "right choice" as determined by people like Linda Hirshman. Hmm…this reminds me of how Sarah Palin was treated. Regardless of how her politics strike you, she was called stupid, maligned, and even accused of exploiting her handicapped son. Her family was treated like garbage from the likes of “moral pillars” like David Letterman, and I never heard a word in her defense from the "feminists". But I digress, back to Ms Powers…
“Hirshman is perplexed by the resistance she has received, but quickly surmises that all the opposition she is receiving is manufactured by religious freaks bent on imposing a biblical view of motherhood on society. She clearly could stand to take a stroll along the Upper West (or East) Side of New York -- hardly the beachhead for Christian childrearing -- to disabuse her of this notion. It is littered with highly educated ex-career women who are happily raising their children full time.
I didn't mean to imply that everyone hates feminists or that they should hate feminists. And while some people thought that using the word "hate" was too strong, I'm sorry to inform you that many people do in fact "hate" feminism. I know this in part because I have considered myself a feminist for the better part of my life (though as I said in my post, the meaning of this word today remains unclear considering that Hirshman also considers herself a feminist) and have all sorts of people tell me how much they disagree with feminism -- and most of those people were Democrats and people who consider themselves liberal in every other way. Most often, the reason people cite is that they feel feminists are judgmental about their choices and seek to impose a worldview on everyone else, rather than truly letting women make their own choices.
To me, feminism has always meant supporting the idea that women should be able to pursue their dreams, whatever they are, and for many women their dream is to have a family and be dedicated to that full time (though most women can't afford to do this). And if they choose to pursue a career or have to get a job to add to the family income, there should be an even playing field, they should earn what their male counterparts earn, and they should not have to tolerate sexual harassment. Feminism meant making sure that when women were raped that they were not further victimized by the court system. Feminism meant women being able to get credit cards in their own name and have control over their own finances. Feminism meant girls shouldn't be told they can't do math (remember the Barbie who said "Math class is tough?") or become mechanics, or pilots, or anything else, merely because they are female. It meant getting equal funding for government research of diseases that affect women at a time that all such research was done only on men. It never meant --and does not mean to me today -- that women who choose to stay home and take care of their children, and dare I say it, their husbands, should be maligned the way they are in Hirshman's Washington Post op-ed." ..end of quote.
Bravo Ms. Powers, bravo!
To be honest, I think we all naturally gravitate to reporters, commentators, etc., who tend to share our viewpoint on things. I think that’s human nature. I mean, let’s be honest, given two choices, would you want to be in room one with 100 people who have political views the polar opposite of you or would you prefer to be in room two with 100 people that view the world in a similar fashion as you do. In order to affect change, I suppose going into room one is a good thing to do from time to time, but our comfort zone will be found in room two.
In actuality, I do try to listen to commentators, political pundits, and journalists, with whom I’m on the opposite side of the political fence. In fact, there are three or four I enjoy listening to. They aren’t like Olbermann who makes me want to wrap my head in duct tape, so it doesn’t explode (okay, I stole that line from one of my favorite commentators).
One of those people is Kirsten Powers. Even when I disagree with her, which is often, I feel she states her position honestly, with passion, and generally avoids the all too often tactic of simply calling the other side names. She actually makes me evaluate my own opinion on an issue, reexamine it, and reflect which is what a good analyst does. In short, she seems like a very nice person. I usually see her on TV, where she often appears on FoxNews to speak from a left point of view. She sparked enough interest in me that I googled her, looking for articles she may have written. One of the first ones I found made me respect her even more and I thought it was appropriate to share since tomorrow is Mothers’ Day, and it is about women and motherhood.
Ms. Powers describes herself as a feminist, but based on her definition of it, I’m a feminist too!
Her words come from a post she wrote back in June 2006 titled, "This is Why So Many People Hate Feminists." I won’t tell you what she said; I will let her speak for herself, but understand I am only pulling some of the main points found in the article. It was written in response to a Washington Post entry by Linda Hirshman, a "feminist philosopher,” whatever that means. Ms. Powers responds in part, and I quote:
"In a Washington Post op-ed yesterday, Linda Hirshman, a self described feminist philosopher, treats full-time motherhood with the curiosity of an anthropologist who has stumbled upon a previously undiscovered tribe of people. Like SNL's "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer,” Hirshman seems to be "frightened and confused" by this bizarre creature called the "stay-at-home mother." What could possibly account for their freakish behavior?
According to Hirshman: "The tasks of housekeeping and child rearing [are] not worthy of the full time and talents of intelligent and educated human beings. They do not require a great intellect, they are not honored and they do not involve risks and the rewards that risk brings."
It's incredible that the drudgery of working full time at a law firm is deemed worthy of women's "full time talents" but a woman dedicating herself to raising a family isn't. Hirshman then bizarrely asks: "Oh, and by the way, where were the dads when all this household labor was being distributed?" Umm, if they have a stay at home wife, they are probably working all day. And for most people, it's actually called being a mother and a wife, not "household labor.”
I saw Hirshman on 60 Minutes and was shocked when she announced that women graduates of Ivy League schools who had left their careers to raise families were making the "wrong choice.” There it was laid bare: feminism really isn't about women having the freedom to make choices. It's about women making the "right choice" as determined by people like Linda Hirshman. Hmm…this reminds me of how Sarah Palin was treated. Regardless of how her politics strike you, she was called stupid, maligned, and even accused of exploiting her handicapped son. Her family was treated like garbage from the likes of “moral pillars” like David Letterman, and I never heard a word in her defense from the "feminists". But I digress, back to Ms Powers…
“Hirshman is perplexed by the resistance she has received, but quickly surmises that all the opposition she is receiving is manufactured by religious freaks bent on imposing a biblical view of motherhood on society. She clearly could stand to take a stroll along the Upper West (or East) Side of New York -- hardly the beachhead for Christian childrearing -- to disabuse her of this notion. It is littered with highly educated ex-career women who are happily raising their children full time.
I didn't mean to imply that everyone hates feminists or that they should hate feminists. And while some people thought that using the word "hate" was too strong, I'm sorry to inform you that many people do in fact "hate" feminism. I know this in part because I have considered myself a feminist for the better part of my life (though as I said in my post, the meaning of this word today remains unclear considering that Hirshman also considers herself a feminist) and have all sorts of people tell me how much they disagree with feminism -- and most of those people were Democrats and people who consider themselves liberal in every other way. Most often, the reason people cite is that they feel feminists are judgmental about their choices and seek to impose a worldview on everyone else, rather than truly letting women make their own choices.
To me, feminism has always meant supporting the idea that women should be able to pursue their dreams, whatever they are, and for many women their dream is to have a family and be dedicated to that full time (though most women can't afford to do this). And if they choose to pursue a career or have to get a job to add to the family income, there should be an even playing field, they should earn what their male counterparts earn, and they should not have to tolerate sexual harassment. Feminism meant making sure that when women were raped that they were not further victimized by the court system. Feminism meant women being able to get credit cards in their own name and have control over their own finances. Feminism meant girls shouldn't be told they can't do math (remember the Barbie who said "Math class is tough?") or become mechanics, or pilots, or anything else, merely because they are female. It meant getting equal funding for government research of diseases that affect women at a time that all such research was done only on men. It never meant --and does not mean to me today -- that women who choose to stay home and take care of their children, and dare I say it, their husbands, should be maligned the way they are in Hirshman's Washington Post op-ed." ..end of quote.
Bravo Ms. Powers, bravo!
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